thought out thoughts.

: heramblings; October 31st, 2025

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your hearts longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dreams, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life’s betrayals, or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it. I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own; if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, or to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true, I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself. if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul.

I want to know if you can be faithful and therefore trustworthy. I want to know if you can see beauty, even when it is not pretty every day, and if you can source your life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours or mine, and still stand on the edge of a lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, “Yes!”

It doesn’t interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done for the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you are, or how you came to be here- I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away. I want to know if you can be alone with yourself, and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

- The Invitation by Oriah Mountain Dreamer, Indian Elder

for my brain that is going crazy.

: heramblings; November 22nd, 17:08

studying has taken over my life temporarily. eat study eat study study eat study study study sleep. vicious cycle. ive been stuck at home with my head in my books tring to figure out the problems with society. and why we are the way we are. when something you love studying has been subjectalized, it doesnt become as fun anymore. the pressure just gets to you. it hinders us from getting true knowledge. uni is making me into one ungrateful and competitive bitch. seriously. i really feel stupid at school. everyone is just.. wow! argh. chinese paper was fine. 3 more to go! woots. now, im constantly trying to read the chinese subtitles when it comes out. its so frustrating! studying = me snacking and eating like craaaazy! i want to eat fast food, famous amos cookies and my caramel frap. aaaaah. my hands ache from carrying my baby cousin yesterday. seriously. how the hell am i going to carry my own child next time? ouh, the block party (it shouldnt even be called a party coz there is like only 10 ppl?) is damn annoying. music too loud. cannot concentrate. its to celebrate the 1 year anniversary of the resident's corner -.- so lame, throw me birthday party even better right. okay, hopefully for my 21st i can get one. i need a holiday to kl. alone. but of course my parents wouldnt allow me coz im still 10 years old in their eyes. gonna keep bugging them till i can go.

cant wait for holidays to come! ironically, despite all the reading ive been doing, all i want to do is immerse myself in good books that ive not been able to read coz of school. i cannoooot waiiit.

i think i hear karl marx and emile durkheim calling me.
gotta hit the books. again.
for the people who read my blog, if there is,
take care.

29102009;

: heramblings; October 31st, 21:06

RIDER NUMBER 62.
BIKE NUMBER 14.

Alhamdullilah, i got my license! woots. the feeling during TP was amaaazing. i didn't know i could feel so confident about something so major, though of course i was nervous. the support from the instructors and the other 89 riders was crazy. i've never felt so much support from so many people all at once. and to friends who remembered, thank you! :) i was still trembling after i finished. the instructors were making fun of me by trembling their hands. haha. the room was filled with screaming when we found out that the remaining of us passed. we would glance around the room to see if the people we recognise passed and all of those that i know, did! qayyum, jannah, the auntie, the 2 ah bengs i took revision with the night before and the good-looking guy. heh. we would all catch each other's eyes and give a thumbs up. now i know how people who go through Singapore Idol auditions feel. only people taking bike TP can feel it because taking driving TP will feel different. i am thankful that i stuck it out through the end coz it was one hell of an awesome experience! now the question is: should i get a bike? or should i take my driving license first?

one license down, one more to go! :)

this were the words we all parted with:
SEE YOU ON THE ROAD!

im seriously going to miss going to CDC for practicals and also, the instructors. boo.

after days of procrastinating;

: heramblings; October 26th, 12:25

my masterpiece.

sensitive issue? maybe not.

: heramblings; October 21st, 16:29

religion what was discussed in class today. it made me think of a lot of things. why do people believe in what they believe in? is there a difference between a person who has a religion and a person who does not? and many many many more questions. the most important question that was stuck in my head is: as you get older, do you find yourself getting more religious or less religious? why?

i know my answer.
what is yours?

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heramblings

thought out thoughts.

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